Music does that to me. Fills me up. Sometimes take me away. Sometimes, it lets me sing. Sometimes, it lets me forget. Music does that to me. But today, it’s welling up inside. Picking on just those things I leave buried inside. Those things that make me who I am. Music does that.
The silence fills up to a point where nothing can hold it back. The only out is silence. And the only out is expression. Yeah, music does that to me.
It takes me to those dark places that nobody else can touch. Letting me hold on to the chaotic affects that define the twisted alleyways that are hidden, despite the constant mapping, in the quiet ghettos of my mind.
Today I gave away a little. And I found my hands shaking. My voice quivering. Today I let a little of me slip out and it felt strange. There is a squall, a precip, a snowstorm, a tempest inside that I can only curtail with silence. That I can only hear with music. The collective sounds of chords, unscathed by repetition. It only grows sweeter, deeper, and more familiar each time it plays over and over and over again.
I know there’s a lot to leave behind. But I’m afraid. These things happen to be the only things I know.
So I’m flipping coins today. Deciding which direction to take. Because sometimes, you have to leave it all to chance.
So I’m flipping coins today, and tomorrow, and the day after. I’ll keep flipping them, until things begin to make sense again.
And through it all, I’ll hear myself, in those quiet moments with music. I’ll feel the bird inside. I’ll feel the chaos. And I’ll feel my soul.
“Somethin’ filled up
my heart with nothin’,
someone told me not to cry.
But now that I’m older,
my heart’s colder,
and I can see that it’s a lie.”
What’s your song for today?